Moving

Our 3rd. baby was due anytime now and his family was having some issues with his sister. She was having another "episode" due to her mental illness. He felt we needed to move back to help out. He found a job back east and soon after our 3rd baby was born we packed up moved back to have his sister live with us. We found a home to rent for us and his sister and his brother, wife and children. We were one big happy family. We had a lot of good times and some bad. His brother found a house to buy and we were having another baby, our 4th so they moved out. My husband had a hard time with all this. He felt rejected by his bother. He took it personal, especially when he found out we were paying more rent them his brother and this was not even discussed with us. He felt betrayed. We had been helping pay for his bothers son to go to private school and we wouldn't of minded paying extra if he had just discussed it with us. 
 Soon there was a young boy hanging around maybe he was about 13-14. He would come by and my husband would tell me about the sad life this kid had. His Mom did drugs, was poor, had to sell herself to feed her son & habit ect.. When Christmas came around he bought some presents with this boy for the boys family .We were Christians and being a christian you help others especially kids so I didn't think much of it until this one particular day when we were all getting into the car to go swimming as a family to the YMCA. This boy came by and next thing I know my husband says he can't go swimming with us he has to talk with this kid. I was livid!!! I was so angry that this kid was more important then me and his 3 kids. I have no idea if anything inappropriate happened with this kid but this incident was not ok with me. Now when I look back there was a sign I just couldn't see. 

The Beginning

I grew up in a christian home, church on Sunday, youth group on Friday  I believed, I still do. I was taught its better to be "equally yolked, than unequally" meaning better to marry someone with the same beliefs as me " a Christian". So I went on my search to find that "christian man" so that all will be ok. We should be able to get through anything I mean he will be a christian man, a follower of Jesus, he will have to answer to God. He will be above reproach, a man of his word, a good honest man. After all he will be a christian and that's what Christians are called to isn't it?
I married him...the one. He was fun and talented and smart and a man of God. I remember soon after marriage we went to visit a friend of his from the military. He was gay, we spent the day hanging out with a bunch of gay guys. They were fun but I thought hummm, probably not good for us to be hanging with the guys he spent time with, wondering if he was gay or straight in his past life. (THE FIRST SIGN)
I had hopes and dreams, I wanted children, I also wanted to adopt or foster care. Help those children without a home and family to love them. I remember speaking with my husband about this.

Within a year our first child was born, a beautiful baby girl. All seemed great, but as the day went on he would say he was on his way home but then it would be hours before he actually walked through the door. This would go on for weeks. I wondered and yelled and cried about this. I told him how scared I would be, thinking he had an accident on his way home and really he was just at the bar drinking. Here I was home with our baby, just waiting for him to come home and there he was at the bar...or who knows maybe he was with someone else. I really don't know why...

One day I was woken by a call in the night. He asked me to come down to the local jail. He had been arrested for drinking and soliciting teens. He said the teens stole his money and he was just looking for a particular guy he had gone to college with and offered to pa the teens for the money. When I look back on this incident that occurred in 1993 I was so naive  I didn't want to think my husband has sexual issues. I wanted to believe what he said. (THE  SECOND INCIDENT).
I loved him, I made a commitment  I wanted this marriage to work. I stayed and eventually we moved closer to his work and the bar drinking stopped but for how long??

Good Times

Life went on for us and things seemed to be good. We were involved in our church  we had our second baby. He would drink wine but nothing hard and no more bars. Life wasn't perfect but it was good. Our third baby was on the way and he was offered a job in another state. We decided to move. Our home was peaceful, we were a happy family. We were involved in a church, Awana with the kids, run laps around at the local school track with our new dog & the kids. We had been married 7 years and it seemed the hard times had past. I loved this time in our life.

He would talk about when he was a boy and being molested by various people in his life. His parents would deny some of what he said( I think because it included family members) and some of what he said they believed. It did seem by some of his behaviors that he had been a victim. He had a victim mentality. He lived in the negative and all that went wrong was blamed on other people. Woe is me...he just couldn't rise above what had happened to him and move on. He wouldn't go to therapy, he would say God is his councilor.